You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
