i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
