Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
