splinters make it hard to masturbate
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
