Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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