Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
