I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
