that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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