mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
