You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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