That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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