I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
