I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize