I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
