I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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