I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
