wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
