I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
