is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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