I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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