i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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