U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
