Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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