What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
