I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
