what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
