I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
