so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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