so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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