just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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