i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
