My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
