My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
