you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
