would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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