adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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