Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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