Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize