Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
