your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
