the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize