who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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