I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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