I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
