there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't put those talents on a resume
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
