toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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