i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
