In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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