my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
