Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize