Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
