my shit smells like andre
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
