i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
