Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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