she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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