are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
