i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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