When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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