So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
