He uses pillows to masturbate.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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