Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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