And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
