They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
