she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
