I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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