I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
