I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
