well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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