mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
