Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
