Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
