She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
