respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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