so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
