The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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